To the Karrueche in all of us:
We are told that love conquers all. Every fairytale, every romantic comedy leads us to believe that if we just love him hard enough; he will run though the airport, drop all of the other women, overcome his fear of commitment, stop his asshole-ish ways, and commit to us for this rest of his living days.
You think to yourself, if the fairy-tale Princess could simply kiss a frog — an amphibian for goodness sake — and turn him into a handsome Prince; surely, I can turn (fill in the blank) into a decent man. Heck, he is at least human. Right?
Then, as we get to know him better and more of his flaws and his damage begin to surface, we begin to bargain with ourselves. It’s just one kid? He just cheated one time. He is so sweet sometimes. He really is trying to get a job. People just don’t understand him like I do. I love him.
You see his pain and you want to fix it. You want to heal it. You want to be his hero so then he can be your man. The problem is, you can’t save him.
You can only save yourself.
Then, forgive yourself for loving the wrong person. Learn that you can’t love a person enough to repair him. You can’t change the person, but you can change your situation.
My intention is for Black people to love themselves and each other. It sounds somewhat silly, I guess; but oftentimes my people are overwhelmed with negative images, bad news, and stereotyped characters about us. I’d like to flip that script. I’d like to remind us, as often as I can, how incredible we are. Read more