Lifestyle 3 minute read

What I Ain’t Gowan Ta Do


When I was younger and used to look at people who were the age I am now, I thought that they were so clear about their direction and goals in life. They seemed to have it all figured out when I couldn’t confidently even answer the basic question of what I wanted to be when I grew up.

Now that I am at the age of knowing—I know that most of us are just as confused about exactly what we want as we were when we were 6, 16 and 26.  I’ve realized that age doesn’t necessarily bring clarity about exactly what we are going to do; it just means that we are 100% clear about what we ain’t gowan ta do.


For instance:

I can’t tell you how I’m getting to church but I can tell you what I aint’ gowan ta do.  I ain’t riding with Martha cause her butt is always late.

I don’t know if me and Regina will make up, but I know I ain’t gowan ta be the one calling her.

I don’t know what type of cell phone I’m going to get, but I KNOW I AIN’T GOWAN TA buy shit from Verizon.

I ain’t sayin’ I believe in astrology but I promise you I ain’t never gowan ta date a Scorpio again.

I ain’t ever gowan ta tell Tonya none of my business no more.

I can’t tell you who’s gonna be there, but I can tell you who gowan ta be there….me.


Perhaps the grown woman’s process of problem solving is similar to an algebraic equation (finally, after all of these years I can use that mess for something!).

If A + B = C, but I ain’t gowan ta mess with C, then either A or B has to be out.

Some examples?

Rod + Me = me being sad on the weekends; therefore Me – Rod = happiness (I can’t tell you who I’m going to date, but it ain’t gowan ta be Rod).

Me + Tracy = $0 in my account (cause Tracy is cheap).  Me – Tracy = $300 more monthly; therefore I ain’t gowan ta fool with Tracy anymore.


They say each relationship teaches us lessons?  I believe that the biggest lesson each relationship teaches us is what we ain’t gowan ta do:

I ain’t gowan ta date no man with more than 1 baby momma.

I  ain’t gowan ta date a man without a job.

I ain’t gowan ta date a man who wants to be a rapper.

I ain’t gowan ta date a man who can’t screw.

I ain’t gowan ta date a man who is younger than me.

I ain’t gowan ta date a man who has bad credit.

I ain’t gowan ta date a man who is over 30 and still wears jerseys or his hat backward.

I ain’t gowan ta date nobody whose momma still does his laundry

The list grows longer with time and with each relationship. We may not be sure about who is Mr. Right; but we are sure about who ain’t.

Maybe that’s what life is: trying things and people out, figuring out what doesn’t work for you, until you can figure out who and what does.


My intention is for Black people to love themselves and each other. It sounds somewhat silly, I guess; but oftentimes my people are overwhelmed with negative images, bad news, and stereotyped characters about us. I’d like to flip that script. I’d like to remind us, as often as I can, how incredible we are. Read more


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