Drunk Aunt Randi The Word 4 minute read

Racism & Bad Breath: Aunt Randi’s Public Service Announcement #32


I know Ima end up offending some of ya’ll; but the beauty is, I’m too damn old to care.  Plus, many of you White folks need some learnin’.  You know a lot about a lot o’ things.  I ain’t callin you dumb or nothin’; but most of ya’ll know less than a flea on a saddle about Black folks.  You say stuff thinkin you know but you only end up pissin’ us Black folks off (kinda like my 2nd husband, Henry).  So, understand, I’m only tryin’ to save somebody (I’m serious.  I literally might be savin some of ya’ll cause folks is tense deez days and ya’lls ignance about Black-folks is gonna get somebody hurt).

So I’m just gonna come with the point quick and hard like Muhammad Ali: doin’ somethin’ racist is like having bad breath.

  1. If somebody tells you that you gots bad breath, you probably gots bad breath. Just cause you can’t smell it don’t mean that yo breath ain’t stanky.
  2. You telling us that you don’t have bad breath will not make your foul-smelling mouth be no better.
  3. You tellin’ us all the things you did to have fresh smelling breath (“I brushed my teeth, flossed, mouthwashed, got a cleaning last week, etc.) will not change our minds that your breath be stinkin’.

So, the sole and only thing you should do is listen to what people are telling you and fix the situation as best as you can (mint, gum, whatever).  Sure, you will feel a bit embarrassed after being called out, but if you listen and deal with things, at least you ain’t embarrassed and still stanky.

Like that White gal in St. Louis who blocked the Black man from getting in his apartment building.  Now that gal knows she wasn’t scared of that man.  Let me tell you somethin’: my daddy didn’t play.  I loved him but he was as mean as a rattlesnake.  Skeeters wouldn’t even land on him.  When he’d walk through the fields or the streets, people would automatically part and get out of his way.  Dats what we do when we is scared: we move out da way.  We don’t get in the way, jump in an elevator and follow what we are scared of.  Had dat girl been scared she would’ve gone to her apartment and called the police to say a suspicious man had entered the building (from what I’m seeing lately, White womens aint got no problems on calling the police for any-ol-thang).  Nah, she wasn’t scared, she was puffy: her chest and ego were all puffed up and made her feel righteous (I hear you young folks call it White privilege).

Now the child going around saying she ain’t racist: that what she did wasn’t racist.  God bless her po little heart.  So many folks is telling the child her breath stank and she won’t listen.  Baby, you are funky.  Just accept it, get a breath mint, apologize, and do better going forward.  Please also stop saying that you can’t be racist because your husband is Black.  My ex-husband, Henry married 3 Christian woman, but he’s still the devil.  Let me stop playing (though he was the devil) – it’s important that you folks understand that your cultural resume does not prove that you aren’t culturally ignorant.  I can drink Margaritas and eat Tacos every Tuesday, but that don’t mean I haven’t said somethin’ offensive to or about Mexican people.

Don’t White folks get that the reason why we Black folks is 500 shades of brown is because they ancestors were having sex with our ancestors.  Some of these men were even in-love with the women they enslaved.  In case, any of them are confused, owning slaves is very racist.  It is a racist thing to do.  A slave holder isn’t absolved from being a racist because he’s in-love with or sleeping with a Black woman.

So White folks need to stop that mess of listing all the reasons why they couldn’t possibly have done somethin’ racist and denying what others are tellin’ them.

Get a clue, listen to what folks are tellin’ you  and pop a breath mint.

My intention is for Black people to love themselves and each other. It sounds somewhat silly, I guess; but oftentimes my people are overwhelmed with negative images, bad news, and stereotyped characters about us. I’d like to flip that script. I’d like to remind us, as often as I can, how incredible we are. Read more


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