I’m a quintessential 70’s girl: raised to be modest. I’m now in my 40’s and am just learning how to graciously accept a compliment, negotiate what is deserving, and embrace well-earned successes. Correspondingly, I don’t know how to promote myself, tout my accomplishments, or show my worth; so, I hired someone to do it for me.
Recently, she emailed me that she’d like for me to publish articles in highly renowned, widely circulated magazines so that potential customers could learn about my Diversity & Inclusion education and experience; and asked me to send her some writing samples. I did, but also wrote in the email, “These articles aren’t written in the traditional-style found in business magazines. I can write some more aligned with what they typically publish if you think I should.”
Should I? Should I even have to?
The pressure to assimilate, to make myself as acceptable and comfortable to the majority culture as possible in the field of Diversity & Inclusion is both ironic and sad. It’s also very real.
The question that I keep facing is how much of myself – my Black, female self – must I dilute in order for corporate decision-makers whom are typically White and/or male to consider me hirable for their diversity & inclusivity efforts? I know I have the education, the expertise and the experience to deliver; but, am I too Black and too female? Will my resistance to merely being “check-mark diverse” (diverse where HR departments, people and organizations can check the box for diversity, while expecting me to fully assimilate to their culture) make others too uncomfortable for engagement?
Can I write articles that plainly talk about what it feels like to be the one woman in the boardroom, of having someone touch your hair or continuously comment on your changing styles when you are Black, the burdens of being the “only” at a company, the offense of ill-conceived or inappropriate cultural references? Can I bring not just my education and my work experience into my writing but also my life experiences, my Blackness and my womanhood?
Currently, business periodicals address D&I almost as a courtesy. Typically, there is a separate section for it as if it’s not a critical business imperative that affects attrition, engagement, lawsuits, sales; and as if it Diversity & Inclusivity goals shouldn’t be woven into every strategic and operational decision that companies make. It is a topic that is written about with a delicate distance about subjects that won’t make anyone even slightly uncomfortable: Company X hires Jane Doe as D&I Head; Company Y Releases Desk More Comfortable for Little People; Studies Show A Diverse Workplace Makes for Happier Employees.
I want to be able to write things that make all of us think and challenge ourselves to create more inclusive workplaces. I don’t know how we truly improve if the focus is on being pleasant and conforming. Change is uncomfortable. Our work environments need to change so that they are places where all employees feel a sense of belonging because it isn’t until then that employees will work to their full potential, be innovative, engaged, and loyal. So, that means, the articles I write should push companies to consider different perspectives, think about other viewpoints, look honestly at how the typical employee feels coming to work every day, review policies to see if they are inclusive, and think about the way people communicate with one another. That can only be done when a variety of voices are permitted to be heard. I should not have to sacrifice – no one should have to sacrifice – by compromising or disguising their authentic voice so that they can have business success.
That is not a choice that people should have to keep making.
Thanks,
The main question I think is does it matter what ‘ They’ think of ‘ me’.
Eventually all time is limited. In between those limitations make every second useful.
As a black male whom is struggling to learn math,( calculus 4), it’s just not a matter of learning. It’s a matter of application. After that then it’s nepotism. After that and successful it’s assimilation or be labelled. Screw em be whom you are. Black ,powerful, and beautiful. When one see Truth one gains a powerful perspective.
I hear and feel you. I wonder though if a Black person can be themselves and move up the ranks in a traditional workplace?
This is a common dilemma for motivated professionals . How much of your authenticity are you willing to sacrifice to succeed in your chosen field. It’s tough to balance mainstream success with remaining true to ones-self sometimes.
Exactly. I wrote this piece not just for
me but for everyone. It’s a
choice that most of us must make— and that’s not right.
I attended a cross-cultural workshop that was facilitated by a well-known diversity and inclusive coach. He told a story about how he originally pitched his services to corporate America as his authentic self (he is a person of color) and how those companies slowly but surely chipped away at what and how he intended to present. He said, “I went in with a lot of ideas about what these companies needed, but I wasn’t getting work. Eventually, I just gave them what they would pay for and that’s when I got more work.” As I look at the span of his career, I can see when he was being authentic and when he began putting on an act. At the point that we met, I think the act occasionally put him on. I used to work in a school system where I had to do too much code-switching just to fit in, and even then I still never felt a sense of belonging. I grew tired of stuffing myself into a box each day and after 17 years moved to a district where I’m just another guy. It was truly liberating. I guess the ultimate question becomes, can we achieve our career and financial goals without having to cater to corporate America (to be read White America)? If not, what do we do to take care of ourselves so that the code-switching doesn’t drive us crazy? The current structure and their attitudes toward diversity and inclusion won’t significantly change in our lifetime. I agree we should not have to choose, but it is a reality.
I have had that same dilemma. I was in the military and asked that same question. I was often told I had to play the game when I was in the military. it seems we are often told to play the game. However, they change the rules of the game in the middle of the game. I choose to be me. I would rather be my authentic self than try to get in where I fit in, or try to fit myself in where I’m not wanted. I am who I am.
The company I work for recently implemented a D&I “arm.” The young, black, female charged with leading the entire 5000 plus company towards inclusion has her work cut out… I first reached out to her 5 weeks into returning to the company (after a short hiatus exploring other opportunities), with a complaint that, “we are losing good brown and black people because they are not being promoted…,” to that, she invited me to be a part of her “team,” and I quote “team” because it is comprised of the very people who keep their foot(s) on the necks of these brown and black people so that they cannot forward their career in this particular arena… so, do we conform in order to fit in? Well, it has been a few months since our last meeting as a group, and sadly, I believe the young woman who was charged with leading this 5000 plus company is asking that very same question… how do we get the company to acknowledge us without being US?
I must acknowledge the inequity of this dilemma.
One should not have to “choose” between authenticity and artifice to have meaningful, self-sustaining work. Period.
Now to the world, or at least America, as it is…
IMHO it serves no greater good to massage D&I or DEI or whatever the latest acronym is.
You’re right: change is uncomforable, progress often unsettling and as Rev. Dr. ML King, Jr. so eloquently stated, “justice delayed is justice denied.”
Thus the unfortunate choice is standing in truth OR (perhaps) the next trip to an amazing place on this planet.
Seriously: you have to tell the truth, or be able to manage the consequences of pulling your punches. I am not urging rudeness in delivery, though I understand if rudely is how you need to share the truth.
My experience has been that it’s harder living with “modified, dialed-back” me than making folks uncomfortable.
While the “privilege” of a gorgeous, honey-colored babe like you will not equal basic, below-average white boy in our lifetimes, it is relative privilege.
Some folks can hear the uncomfortable truth from you because of all those ed creds and the gorgeous smile…
Jes’ sayin.
Love you.