“You complete me,” Tom Cruise whispered to Renee Zellweger-as he tried to fight back tears in the movie Jerry Maguire.  That line and others like it have clearly jacked us all up.  Just how many fairytales and romantic comedies did we watch that convinced us to have unrealistic expectations of coupledom?  Because, truth be told, we done all found ourselves chasing some non-existent rainbow looking for some fake gold in a rusty pot.

Let me be real since some folks done become the Steve Harvey of relationships (even though he has had multiple divorces) in reaction to Ayesha Curry saying that she sometimes feels some type of way about not getting male attention: nobody completes nobody.  Let me say it again for the Lifetime movie addicts and the newly engaged: nobody completes nobody.  Two insecure, flawed people come together, fall in love, and keep trying to love each other until somebody dies- that’s it.  You may be happier, you may achieve more, you should have a better life with the other person’s presence but that other person will not fix you, complete you, or erase your insecurities.  That job is on you, Boo.  That’s self-work.

And money can’t do the work for you.  Some of you have suggested that since she is married to a man who makes over 40 million a year, she shouldn’t have insecurities.  Damn—ya’ll she’s a human—a rich human – but still a human.  Even her husband, Steph Curry, has insecurities – trust me.  How do I know?  Do me and Steph hangout?  Naw, I ain’t met the man, but I’ve been in relationships with a few men, so I know that he (like every other being) has things that he is less confident about and days when he’s feeling less confident.  Those are the times that his wife tells him that he indeed played well, or that Durant isn’t better, or he didn’t look ridiculous on that Under Amour commercial or wasn’t speaking too fast at the ESPY Awards.  She helps ease his insecurities… which is exactly what Steph should be doing for Ayesha.  She clearly needs to be reminded that she’s beautiful (and who doesn’t sometimes); and Steph needs to get on it. He’ really the ONLY one who should care about Ayesha’s comments.

I know our athletes are our heroes.  I understand that some of your throats got tight that I dare suggest Steph may not be perfect.  I’m just asserting that he’s human.  He is a man who has a demanding job, 3 kids, fans, media scrutiny and unimaginable pressure on him; it is quite possible that he hasn’t been as romantic or attentive as his wife craves.  It happens to the very best of us.  And Ayesha simply shared that she sometimes doesn’t feel pretty –that’s all.

Damn, I like feeling pretty sometimes.  Don’t we all want to feel pretty (or handsome, or powerful, or smart, or funny) sometimes?  Hasn’t a compliment from even a stranger made you smile?  Some of ya’ll will deny it but you feel good even when someone (even someone whom you don’t know) likes one of your comments on someone else’s post.  We like affirmation folks – we all do. Does anyone not think that Curry gets off on fans screaming for him? He loves the adoration, the cheers, the mania when he goes anywhere. If it’s okay for him to enjoy being wanted; why isn’t it okay for Ayesha to want to be admired?

There are times I’ve spent money getting my nails done, lashes on, hair done, and face beat.  I have spent hours picking out the right outfit, trying it on, taking it off to switch to a different one because the first one didn’t feel right to attend an important event with my husband.  I fret if I look okay, feel as if I look fat, wonder why my hair ain’t acting right, curse that I always get an adult-acne pimple on the worst days only to have to ask my husband as I pull down my skirt, “Do I look okay?”  Of course, he’s always replied, “yes, you look gorgeous” but it still wasn’t the “fallout, get a tear in your-eye- when you see me movie-type of response” (not cause he’s not a good man but he’s a distracted man, or a tired man, or a long-time married man).  And yes, it felt good when other men and women complimented me throughout the night — when someone notices the new eyeshadow or that I got my hair done.  It doesn’t mean that I want to sleep with them; it means I’m feeling insecure. 

We all feel insecure at times.  Poor Ayesha revealed a bit of hers and – Have Mercy – some folks charged after her like a caged bull. 

We need to stop doing that to each other.  She’s a woman who is navigating something that none of us can imagine.  Sure, we see the money and the fame; but consider that when you are married to someone famous, you must oftentimes feel invisible (yes, she is seen more than she would have been had she not married Steph) but simultaneously, I bet she gets damn-near trampled on-figuratively and literally — by people who are trying to get to her husband; I’m sure that there are feats she’s accomplished that go unnoticed because of Curry’s feats on the court; friends she has discovered only wanted to be her friend because of her husband.  She was Ayesha before she was Mrs. Curry; but there’s got to be times where she feels as if no one sees her – Ayesha—anymore.

So, let her be vulnerable without attacking her.  The woman is in progress — as we all are.  She is working towards not needing validation from anyone. She is working on realizing that no one completes her–she is complete all by herself. And even when she gets there, as in love as she is with her husband, she still might not mind a man checking her out as she walks on by.