My friends have long lists of a man’s “must haves” in order to make him dateable: big salary, big sense of humor, big schlong (maybe in that order, maybe not).  Never in my life have I been so organized as to have a list for anything—not even my list of things to do that day.  However, today I realized that I couldn’t even have a drunken make-out session with a man who didn’t vote.  I’m serious.  Even if he had all three of the required “bigs” noted above in spades, I couldn’t let the tongue of a man ignorant enough not to vote, into my mouth, regardless of how many tequila shots had previously occupied that space earlier that night.

Think about it: [bctt tweet=”You can tell a lot about a man who doesn’t vote.” username=”beatnik24″]

1. He’s a felon.  This is actually the most acceptable reason for someone who doesn’t vote.  Under certain circumstances, you could give this person a pass.  And in many respects, as Michelle Alexander notes, taking a man’s vote for life due to an early mistake really is the new Jim Crow.  I can accept a person who made a mistake at some point in his life; I can’t accept one who is still making mistakes and not bettering himself (not voting is a mistake).

2. He’s a quitter. Most people who don’t vote don’t do so because they feel helpless. Who in the hell wants to deal with someone who isn’t hopeful about the future? This is the “fuck it” dude. He doesn’t feel that he has any control over his life and is a victim, so he gets high all day and floats through, rather than swim, row, or motor though life.

3. He’s a huge conspiracy theorist.  You know why he won’t use condoms?  The MAN created them to kill the Black population.  He doesn’t work because his social security number has a 9 in it which means the government knows who he is and is going tax him extra.  He would be a major rapper right now, but Jay-Z black-balled him (BTW . . . he hasn’t met Jay-Z, but he knows his cousin).

4. He’s lazy. This man hasn’t stood in line since Ice –T performed at the club up the street. No way in hell is he standing outside with a bunch of strangers for 2 hours.

5. He’s trifling. He is pissed that Drake won for rapper of the year cause “he ain’t legit,” but he really ain’t sweatin’ this political mess much.

6. He’s dumb. He doesn’t realize that you aren’t just voting for the President, but for local officials and propositions that can affect his life directly.    Just.  Has.  No.  Clue.

7. He’s disrespectful. If he doesn’t respect all of the Black people who died and sacrificed so that he now has the right to vote; then he doesn’t respect his history or his people.  He shouldn’t even utter that “Black Lives Matter” if the lives of those who have already fought and died to give him to privilege to have a voice don’t matter to him.

I’ve got love for all my brothas, but the type who doesn’t vote is like half my relatives:  I love – but I gotta love them from a distance.

VOTE!!