The café was suburbanite-friendly: shared tables, serving a farm-to-table menu of organic, “free of anything-that-could-kill-you food”, with high prices and served in a rustic, simply designed establishment because rich liberals like to feel as if they aren’t in anyway flaunting their wealth. I walked in hurriedly because I was about two minutes late; and I still catch myself working overtime to ensure I don’t fulfill any stereotypes. The two, White women I was meeting may not have heard of “CP-time”; but the burden of it made my heartbeat race and my feet move extra fast.

As often happens, the women spotted me first, as there were many pairs of White women having breakfast while I was the only Black person in the establishment. The thinner of the two, stood up smiling, and waved me over. We had small talk, ordered almond-milk lattes, and then started talking business. They had won a contract to do diversity & inclusivity training for the local government of a neighboring town; and wanted my thoughts about the project. We talked easily, as it was a subject that we all were clearly passionate about. At the end of the conversation, we started talking about more personal subjects like kids.

“I worry about my sons going out to parties around here,” I said

“Why?” the older of the two woman looked at me quizzically.

“There is such an insane drug problem here with teens. Our county has some of the highest drug and alcohol abuse by teens in the country.”

She shook her head sympathetically, “But, I think that’s because our kids have to deal with so much stress. There are such high expectations placed on them to do well in school. It’s tough when your parents are already so successful and you must live up to that.”

So many thoughts of fallacy and rebuttal sprouted on my tongue, but I swallowed hard, smiled, and said my goodbyes.

I’ve learned to hold my tongue, and save my breath and energy since I began living in a county where calling me a minority is a vast understatement. I would have only left with my pressure elevated if I explained that having high expectations, wanting the best for your kids, pressuring your children to do well is not dictated by wealth; to the contrary, poor people, uneducated people, indeed most parents want their kids to be successful. The only difference is that they may not have the same resources: money to pay for tutors, a stay-at-home parent, or the ability to help with homework in order to help aid in achieving that wish. There are kids who are hungry, who live in homes without consistent electricity, or don’t have a home to live in at all. Their success or failure is not due to a lack of love, high expectations, or lofty dreams; but simply circumstance.

To suggest that the kids in our county have more stress than most kids is almost laughable – a convenient excuse, a lie that is told to make wealthy people feel better about having raised over-indulged kids, who oftentimes are being raised by parents whom continue to put their own careers, interests and social lives first.

But while I disagreed greatly with this woman; I wasn’t at all angry with her. People know what they live. Her wisdom could only be as broad as her experience. And her sympathy for and impulse to defend / advocate for the kids in her home, the kids in her neighborhood, and the kids whom remind her of her kids and of herself is understandable.

Similarly, I understand Felicity Huffman. While it seems somewhat outrageous that she would pay $15,000 to help her daughter get into school; I’m not angry with her. I’m not angry with her for saying that she just wanted her daughter to “have a fair shot.” I’m a mother too. I have spent more money than I could afford on services and products that I thought would improve my kids’ chances of academic success (although, I’ve spent pennies in comparison to Felicity). The most irrational things that I have ever done for love have all been for my children. I don’t know a mother who isn’t guilty of doing or spending too much.

That said, I AM frustrated by Huffman’s ignorance, lack of awareness and exposure, just as I was with the lady with whom I did breakfast. I know that the world could be transformed if people would broaden their experience, become more exposed, get outside of their bubbles and expand their world-view, ask questions, and take the time to consider different perspectives. But her cluelessness is a product of ignorance, not evil.

What was built on evil and runs on evil is our justice system. The greatest injustice about all of this is that Huffman will spend a mere 14 days in jail when Kelly Williams-Bolar, an African American mother was sentenced to five years in prison (later suspended to 10 days in jail and 3 years of probation and community service) for using her father’s address to get her children into a suburban school district.

Huffman and Bolar are the same: two mothers who went to the extreme to get a better education for their children. The only difference is that one is White and wealthy and the other is Black and poor; and in America that difference makes all the difference.