I suppose some would think it is ironic that it happened on AMERICAN airlines.

To me, it seems oddly apt: a moment representative of the current state of America; and of us, Americans.

I was flying from Miami to home, San Francisco, after attending and working as an executive coach at the Black Enterprise Men’s Excel Conference (an event designed to celebrate the accomplishments of Black men).  I boarded my connecting flight in Phoenix, sat down in my seat, 13F, an exit row seat and began catching up on and responding to several text messages.  Next to me sat an attractive 20-something year old Latino woman with a sharp, short haircut, a sleek, black, biker’s jacket and iPhone headphones in her ears.

I didn’t really notice anyone else around me.  I settled in, feeling the happiness from the small victory of an empty middle-seat, took out my normal flying snack combo (Smart Water and kettle corn) and waited for takeoff, as I continued typing away on my phone.  The airplane doors shut, and then we sat, and sat, and sat.  Eventually, the pilot announced that the airport had temporarily closed our runway for a sandstorm.

So, we continued to sit.

The plane was quiet: the only sounds were bags crinkling as someone grabbed another chip out, or a toddler questioning “when is the plane going to go, mommy”; which made the two, men’s loud voices exceptionally jarring.  That they were drunk was unquestionable: slurring, laughing, cursing, and singing. 

Being a frequent flier has trained me to tune out most annoyances.  But instead of being simply obnoxious, the men became increasingly offensive.  The loudest of the two started calling his friend “my nigga,” in-between singing a song about eating a woman’s genitals, and slurring curse-filled stories.  That word, “nigga,” immediately made my body go into high-alert: throat tightened, heart racing. 

I didn’t want to hear it. I didn’t want to feel it.  I didn’t want to deal with it.  I contend that there is a moment after African Americans have been victimized by racism when they consider whether and how they should react.  We are aware that the chances of us being believed aren’t as high as they should be; that we may end up defending ourselves; that most White people are slow to acknowledge racism and reluctant to punish other White people’s racist behavior; and we have been strategically sensitized to not fulfilling the stereotype of being “angry”, “loud” or “too sensitive.”

Complaining about poor treatment is oftentimes a losing, painful, frustrating exercise for Black folks – and as a result, many of us choose to remain silent.  We are tired.  Dealing with racism is hard enough.  Therefore, many times we are simply too exhausted to have to deal with the almost guaranteed fallout of the resulting denial, minimization and excuses for and sheltering of the offender.

I looked back at the men.  They were sitting directly behind me.  They were fit; one was quite tall; and the other had a thick beard.  He, the bearded one, met my eyes. I quickly turned back around; and he then became louder and bolder – this time using the word Nigger (with the “er” and absent the “my”).

I unsnapped my seatbelt and walked through first class where two female flight attendants sat. I told them that they had two men who were absolutely drunk, using curse words and had said the word “nigger” multiple times.  I let them know that I was not going to sit on a flight in front of men using that term.  They listened.  I walked back to my seat — shaking.  And one of the attendants shortly came over and nicely asked the men if they had been using inappropriate language.  One man stayed silent.  The other said that he as from Texas and his momma raised him not to say inappropriate things but if he had, he was sorry.

At this point, a Black man who was sitting behind them said to the attendant that he couldn’t believe that they had been allowed on the flight, as they had been obnoxious and obviously drunk before boarding. 

The attendant left.  About 10 minutes later an American Airlines representative came and nicely told the men that they needed to go and that they would be booked on a later flight.  The men left without saying a word.  I was nervous that they would retaliate against me or the other man – and curse at me or hit me on their way off the plane.

I have no doubt that those men were allowed to board and remain on that flight because they were White.  Cases such as Ryan Lochte, Donald Trump and myriad college fraternity scandals have taught me that when White men behave horribly; it is dismissed and excused simply as boys being boys. My Black sons would not have been able to repeatedly use profanity and loudly rap in sexually explicit terms about degrading women.  

It is disappointing that these men were even allowed on the plane, that the flight attendants never corrected them, and the they were treated with kids gloves and gentle language after I complained. It is also saddening to me that every person on that flight sat idly by and were completely apathetic to the racist slurs being hurled.  I’m sure many of them would claim that they are not racist.  But I need for more people to start being affirmatively anti-racist. American Airlines let the obviously drunk men on the plane because it was easier – the path of least resistance. No one spoke up against the men because it was easier, I stayed quiet for too long because it was easier.  Apathy is ruining us; bullies are running us.  We need to collectively do better; be more courageous and stronger.

Racism should not fly… ever.