Midway through the interview, I popped one of my sparkling pear flavored CBD gummies in my mouth and distractedly and slowly chewed as I looked – barely blinking – at Meghan Markle and Oprah Winfrey.  The motion and repetition of chewing helped to calm me a little bit – and it forced me to unclench my jaw.

I was stressed.

I’m not bi-racial and I’m certainly not a princess; but from the beginning of the interview, I felt each word that was spoken (and those left unspoken) on a molecular level.  Whether it be at work, at our school, at our kids’ school, or on the phone with a customer service representative, a HR representative or a supervisor, most Black women have walked this excruciating line.  We have had to try to explain racist incidents in a manner that others will hear, while simultaneously knowing that most listeners will deny even the possibility because it challenges what they want to believe about themselves, their families, their country and their world.  Meghan muddied a fairytale – the idea of queens, kings, princes and princesses, of castles and “happily-ever-afters” – that are foundational to so many people’s ideas about love, romance, weddings and tradition.

My knowledge and experience made me nervous for Meghan.  Undoubtedly, she would be portrayed as evil.  The one thing that most people in power (who historically and presently remain mostly White) hate far more than actual racism itself, is the people who call it out.

So, I sat slowly chewing my gummy while my stomach churned.  The conversation between Meghan and Oprah destroyed the fairytale and told the real story – our story.

No One, Not Even We, Ever Saw Ourselves as Princesses

For most of our lives every book, movie, TV show and cartoon, told the world that Princesses were White, typically with long blond hair and blue eyes.  The castles, adulation, romance and Prince Charmings in these fairytales weren’t for Black girls.  Those things were for White girls . . . exclusively.

Some people voiced shock that Meghan didn’t know about the monarchy and Prince Henry.  But Black folks don’t follow the royals like white folks.  Why should we?  It isn’t our history, it’s not part of our reality, and we certainly didn’t think it was our future.

When Meghan was courted and chosen by Prince Harry (who, to some, was the most eligible bachelor in the world), many White people were angered.  White women felt they had lost a status and entitlement that they always thought was theirs; and many White men feared that a Black princess would give the world Black Princes and that they, as White men, would also lose status and power.

Accordingly, Meghan was immediately hated and attacked. Her mere existence threatened so many people’s beliefs about social hierarchies and how life was “supposed” to work.

Black Women Don’t Have the Luxury of Being the Victim

The trope of the strong, Black woman has caused people to be blind to our pain, our humanness.  We are aggressive; we are angry.  Of course, when there was an issue between Kate and Meghan, Meghan was blamed.

And when Meghan begged for help from HR and others in the firm, they failed to respond.  Consistent with the trope (and its racist underpinnings) Black women are expected her to push through – to keep on, keepin’ on – because that is what we do.  That is what we have always done.  Because pushing through has oftentimes been our only option. 

Colorism is Real

Meghan was treated horribly because she is Black.  Period.  This fact is undeniable.  But so too is the fact that Meghan wouldn’t have ever been a princess were she not a Black person with light skin and who is very white-looking, white-acceptable.  And that someone in the family (my guess is that it was peanut-head William) was bold enough to voice his concerns about unborn Archie’s skin-tone says all we need to know.

Racism Threatens Our Physical and Mental Health

The first privilege the firm took from Meghan and her son was physical security knowing that they received threats daily.  They also failed to protect her from the press.  It struck me how rare it is that Black people are protected.  Not by the doctors that administer pain medications and top notch treatments at disparate rates.  Not by teachers who suspend, expel and relegate our children to special needs classrooms at disparate rates.  And certainly not by the police or criminal justice system.  How frequently do we feel safe?

Microaggressions, the small attacks that tell Black women that we aren’t enough, that make us feel unworthy, that judge us harshly, that force us to diminish ourselves and our needs do real and lasting damage. The coverage and treatment the press provided to Kate Middleton is far different than that received by Meghan.  It was a heightened burden that only Meghan had to bear.

Even When We Are The Victim We Must Protect The Feelings of Others

There is an expectation that Black people stay silent and act happy regardless of abuse. When you are being abused you still have to show up, smile and make sure you don’t upset the status quo.  One of the things that hurt Harry and Meghan the most was that their complaints of racism were not only not addressed – they were not even acknowledged.  Acknowledgement is so important; yet the UK and America refuse to acknowledge it’s racist history and absolute addition to it’s current racist systems.

Black Women Aint’ To Be Fucked With

Somebody shoulda told the monarchy: Black women will eventually snap and rollout.  We don’t sit at tables where love isn’t being served for long.  Markle’s momma raised her to know that the ancestors had earned her crown long before she met Prince Harry. She was already a Queen.

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