Sis,

Happiness is meant for you.

Yes, you.

Have you ever even considered it?  Have you ever allowed yourself to ask, “what would make me happy?”  Or do you, like many of us, conduct your life like a long list of things to do in order to be accomplished, successful, respected, stable, liked, included, and responsible; while leaving the concept of “happy” as an abstract idea.

When you think about happy—is it in connection with someone else: sending prayers for happiness for friends; focusing on making your family happy and proud; dreaming how happy you could make a man; ensuring that your kids (or future kids) are happy?  Happy is for them – always for someone else. Happy is for White girls with easy laughs; little kids that chase floating bubbles; small-town fraternity brothers who take over dance floors in Mexico during Spring Break; housewives who drink rose’ at noon on a Wednesday; and those teenagers who seem to float on skateboards down steep hills.

No one, including you, has ever put you and happy in the same sentence. The Black woman isn’t so much expected to be happy as she is expected to be strong, solid and available (for everyone else).  Black girls’ names are attached to words such as: sassy, strong, dependable, smart, accomplished, aggressive, quick, nurturing, creative, sexy, confident, talented, a survivor and dependable.

We have been trained to put other people’s happiness above ours.  We are lauded for suffering and sacrificing, but not for our own individual pleasure and success.

• Heaven has a special place for you
• You are so strong. I don’t know how you do it all
• She is an angel; she is always doing for others.

People expect us to be all things; except for happy.  When we do something for ourselves, even those closest to us question the indulgence:

• Girl, don’t you have a job?
• How do you afford that?
• Where is your man? Child?
• Must be nice . . .
• Girl, don’t know how you do that because I…

Admit it: when you’ve done something nice for yourself, haven’t you felt a little guilty — and perhaps even the need to justify it?  At bottom, that indicates that you don’t think you are deserving. 

But, you are, Sis.  You are so deserving of happiness. Black girls aren’t merely here to serve and survive; but to experience, enjoy and thrive.  Allow yourself to dream, to make space for you, to indulge.  Let’s begin to think more radically than we ever have: let’s begin to believe that being happy is not just an aspiration, but rather an entitlement.  Yaaaaaas…Black women are claiming our happy.

Sis, discover what makes you happy, and unapologetically, enthusiastically insist upon it as if it’s yours…because it is. Act as if you are worthy — because you are!