Invitation Indignation


Facebook provides us with a quick glance into our friends’ and families’ most exciting times.  We get to see the outrageous to the elegant: the décor, the fashion, the antics and the venue. We get a small thrill, a mini-mind vacation, from this voyage into someone else’s celebration—that is—unless we feel as though we should have been invited.

We then have Invitation Indignation.

While scrolling the pages you sometimes come across an event that is missing one key element — YOU — and you feel some kind of way about it (hurt, insulted, offended, jealous, mad, or maybe a combination of some of those emotions depending on your intoxication level).

It’s human.  Forgive yourself.  While we might have left Play-Doh and crayons behind in elementary school, we didn’t leave behind that feeling that we all got at least once on the playground when a group of friends left us out.  But don’t feel too badly, there are some good reasons why we’re not invited to some functions. 

Everybody’s Got An A-Team

My momma used to tell me that you were lucky to have one or two real friends on this earth. That’s true.  If you spy those two true friends sitting at Sunday brunch drinking mimosas without you; it’s time to bring out the Kleenex.  But beyond that, don’t trip.  Only be concerned if your A-Team has excluded you.

Sometimes you will get invited to your B-team’s stuff, sometimes you won’t.

Vegan Vanessa at Fur Fashion Week

Look, sometimes you may not have been the right person for the event.  Sometimes, my super frugal sisters will get mad because they didn’t get an invite to the super expensive spa.  Or the picky eater who only likes chicken fingers gets mad when they don’t get invited to try the new Turkish/Japanese fusion restaurant.  Or the girl who hates bugs but is livid that she didn’t get invited hiking.  Be real with yourself and honest about what events fall within – and outside – of your sweet spots.



Your friends love you ‘cause you will kick anybody’s ass who messes with them.  As a matter of fact, you will kick anybody’s ass . . . period!  Actually, you just don’t like people. You don’t trust people.  People ain’t about nothing.  If you are that person—please don’t be angry when your friends don’t include you to functions where “new” people will be around.  Nobody’s trying to see a psychological or social beat down for no reason.

You Are “Extra”

Some of my friends are what we call “extra.”  If they are thrown into the mix, the kool-aid just got sweeter, or the cocktail just got stronger.  When they are around, they take things to the next level, which sometimes is awesome, but sometimes is . . . not.  You feel me?  Either things need to be perfect—done a particular way – or things are going to be so LIT that everyone will be at risk of losing jobs or spouses the next day.  Sometimes, people just want easy and mellow and you ain’t it.

The 2014 Fashion Awards

Here He Comes

Somehow, no matter how clear your friends make it that it is a girls-thang, someone always bring ol’ boy along.  That’s not cool, and will lead to you not being invited.

Money Ain’t Nothing But A Thang (a big Thang)

Some people are calculator people.  Some people are divide the check evenly people. You gotta find your people. This dynamic can cause “no invites.”

There also may be other reasons for not inviting you such as the person had a limited budget, you’ve never invited them to anything, there was a limited number of spots available (like at graduations), there was a specific person there that would’ve made the situation uncomfortable for you (like an ex-boyfriend), or they honestly just forgot.  Either way, please understand that entitlement is unattractive.  No one owes you an invitation.

So if someone doesn’t invite you to something and they forgot, or have a reason that they want to explain to you, let them come to you.  Please do not do what I see people on FB do all of the time:  ask why you weren’t invited.

Damn, An invite woulda been nice.  Why wasn’t I included? 

Hello? Did ya’ll forget somebody.

Looks like fun. 

Thanks for thinking of me. Not.

Seriously.  First, it puts the hostess in an uncomfortable position.  But most importantly—it makes you look like your cat Snuggles, is your best and friend (and maybe he is, but that’s not anyone’s damn business).  People’s actions typically communicate what you need to know.  Listen.  Learn.  And Keep it moving. There will be other invites and better friends.


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About Randi B.

Randi is a diversity and inclusion strategist, speaker, trainer and writer, focusing on making connections and cultivating empathy in this diverse world one trip, speech, article, book and conversation at a time.

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