Dueces! Peace! The Power of Bye!

Freedom is not something that one

people can bestow on another as a gift.

They must claim it as their own and none can 

Keep it from them.

-Kwame Nkrumah

Meghan Markle is an unlikely hero, particularly for Black women.

She is too light, half-White, too pretty, too privileged and too Hollywood for many of us Sistas to root for her.  She isn’t immediately relatable.  She doesn’t have obvious burdens that make us feel as if we could sit down with a cocktail or a cup of coffee, unwind, and have one of those Sista-sighs (long talks where Sistas bond over living life as a Black-woman in America). No, from the outside, it looked as if life has been too easy for her to understand our hard.

But then she married Harry.  While marrying someone isn’t an accomplishment; many of us experienced a bit of redemptive joy when a Sista was picked by a Prince whom the majority culture had named, “the most eligible man in the world.”  We are the women who historically have not won pageants, been cast as the romantic lead (rather, at best, the romantic lead’s feisty side-kick), must witness many of our most powerful men date or marry non-Black women as if their success allowed them to marry “up”.  It felt good to finally be the chosen one.  Perhaps I should be ashamed to admit it, but I took pleasure reading the comments of White women worldwide whom were clearly aghast and offended that Meghan had been chosen over the many White women Harry had dated.  At bottom, they were upset that a Black woman had been chosen over a White woman.  Privilege hadn’t even prepared them to consider the possibility.

Accordingly, they were angry; and immediately and fiercely began, with the British media, to cruelly attack everything Meghan is and everything she did. There was nothing that she could do right in the eyes of the public. 

Every woman knows the feeling of despair when within a marriage, she must carry the burden of the couple’s sins (never was Harry disparaged). I know, every Black woman knows, the feeling of defeat and absolute frustration one gets when she is trying her hardest, technically doing better at her job than those before her and around her, only to still be viewed as less than.  

Going lower than low, one BBC reporter tweeted that about Meghan’s “chimpanzee baby.” Of course, as is sickeningly customary, all perpetrators denied that their abuse was racist putting Markle in the ubiquitous position of having to remain silent — because ironically Black victims are called racist if they complain about racists attacks.  She, who was already being attacked for the simplest things like her choice of flowers, would have been destroyed if she brought up race.

So she bounced.  She threw up the peace sign and rolled out. Simultaneously, she confirmed her position as a hero for many Black women.  How many of us have wanted to tell a boss, a man, an organization: “fuck you, I’m gone.”  She didn’t leave a job that undervalued her, a restaurant that was giving her poor service, or a clothing store where security followed her; she left an entire freakin’ country, an entire freakin’ monarchy… and she took her man, their Prince with her.

That is a boss move on epic diva proportions and I am here for it.

Bravo Sista. When love isn’t being served, leave!  Many won’t admit it but most of have hesitated leaving situations that were far less substantial – or didn’t leave at all.  It comes from fear of wondering if we are enough, if we have the right to leave or the right to happiness, from fear of consequences, from not even realizing that we have other options.  So, Markle leaving, seeing her give those hateful people, an entire country the double middle fingers is heroic.

She, as all heroes do, has inspired others – no doubt. She didn’t stay and complain, waiting for someone to save her. She took her freedom; and has moved on (literally and figuratively) to get her happily ever after—just as she, you and I deserve.